What I Expected vs. What I Got: A Personal Reflection on Tías and Primas

Prisca Dorcas Mojica Rodríguez’s For Brown Girls with Sharp Edges and Tender Hearts was a transformative read for me. I often recommend Chapter 10 to my therapy clients when we work on mother wounds and generational healing. Because that book left such a lasting impact, I expected the same for Tías and Primas. However, it was unfair of me to create expectations; after all, they are different books, as children are to their mothers. After finishing the book, I was able to reflect on the following:

Did Tías y Primas Live Up to My Expectations?

As I read, I realized that many of the family roles have been absent in my own experience. As a first-generation Mexican-American, and with an extended family living with generational trauma, I grew up far from much of my extended family both here in the US and in Mexico. When I was younger, I had some connection to tías and primas, but with time and distance, the bonds with tias and primas shifted, and they did not feel like the ones that the book beautifully illustrates. This left me feeling somewhat disconnected from parts of the narrative.

Finding My Own Tías and Primas in Chosen Family

While I didn’t grow up with matriarchal grandmothers, I found that role in my husband’s grandmother, who lovingly shared her wisdom with me. The descriptions of powerful, nurturing tias made me think of my close friends who will take on that role for my daughter.

Unexpectedly, Tías and Primas helped me reflect on the impact of generational trauma on family dynamics. It reminded me of how distance, both physical and emotional, has shaped my connections and how much of my support system consists of chosen family rather than biological relatives.

Is Tías y Primas Worth Reading?

Even though this book didn’t fully resonate with me, it might deeply connect with others, especially those who grew up surrounded by tias and primas. If you’ve experienced strong intergenerational bonds within your family, this book may feel like a warm, familiar embrace. If your family structure is different, Tías y Primas might prompt meaningful reflection on who has filled those spaces in your life, whether by blood or by love.

De aquí y de alla,

Elsa Matsumoto, LCSW