Women Who Care for Everyone: Who Cares for Them?
In many spaces, women take on roles that involve caring for others. They support their families, friends, coworkers, and sometimes even their community. Although this can be fulfilling and come from a place of love, it often includes an invisible mental and emotional load. An ongoing responsibility to manage daily life while also supporting the emotional needs of others. But who cares for the women who care for everyone else?
The invisible work
Much of this work often goes unnoticed. Mental load is described as the ongoing effort to plan, organize, and keep track of the many responsibilities of daily life (Dean et al., 2022). It includes (but is definitely not limited to) managing schedules, planning meals, anticipating needs, and making sure things get done.
Alongside this, emotional labor refers to the effort involved in supporting other’s feelings and needs, listening, comforting, and problem-solving. The term was first introduced by sociologist Arlie Russell Hochschild, who originally used it to describe managing emotions in the workplace, but it has since expanded to include the emotional support people provide in everyday life (de la Cretaz, 2020). This might look like being the person others turn to when they need to vent or setting your own feelings aside to support someone else. Think about planning a party. The mental load might include coordinating schedules, choosing a theme, arranging the food, and buying supplies. The emotional labor involves ensuring everyone feels welcome and has a good time, and managing stress if something doesn’t go as planned. Together, this invisible work takes time and energy.
This work is REAL, even when unnoticed.
But at what cost?
Research shows that carrying this kind of responsibility can affect women’s mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Over time, it may show up as stress, fatigue, burnout, anxiety, depression, resentment, or decreased self-worth. A study by Penn State University (2024) found that the stress and mental health challenges of this invisible work don’t ease over time; if anything, they can intensify and become more harmful if left unaddressed.
How to lighten the load
Support can look different for everyone. It might involve making room for what helps you feel more balanced or caring for yourself in meaningful ways. Support also includes talking to someone you trust or attending therapy to build skills in communication, emotional regulation, and learning to treat yourself with care.
Another way to lighten the load is to set boundaries that respect your needs and limits. This can include asking for help and learning to say no without guilt (yes-people, I see you).
So how do you start?
1. Take a few deep breaths and pause to notice what leaves you feeling drained or uncomfortable.
2. Be clear and assertive, use “I” statements to communicate without sounding defensive.
3. Don’t stop at saying the boundary, honor it. People may push back, but upholding your boundaries shows others how you want to be treated.
For example:
Sharing responsibilities with a partner, “I feel drained by all the nighttime routines. I need you to take a turn so I can rest.”
Always coordinating social plans with friends, “I feel overwhelmed handling all the plans right now. I need someone else to take care of it.”
A coworker wants to vent, “I feel stretched thin right now. I need to step back from this chat to concentrate on my tasks. Can we catch up later?”
No one is meant to hold everything alone. Remember to make space for yourself. Taking time to rest, asking for support, or setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s necessary. This Women’s History Month is an opportunity to recognize not only women’s strength but also the support they deserve. Women who care for everyone else deserve to be cared for, too
Download the free worksheet and take one small step toward receiving the support you deserve.
